It wasn’t you…it was me.

pam30

Hello B&B family – Pam here!

This is an odd note to write – I didn’t know this would happen. As you may have noticed – I haven’t been around since late spring. It was never my intention to take a break but it’s something I had to do. It’s funny because I pride Louise and myself on making it for two years – I know plenty of blogs that started and never made it past three months. But I reached a point where I was forcing myself to write, I wasn’t connecting with the posts, and I wasn’t enjoying it. It was in conjunction with the heat of wedding planning, the opportunity for a promotion at work, and a time of growth in my relationship. To be completely transparent – I should have been more open with Louise with what was going on. I can never thank her enough for holding the fort together while I sorted my way through life challenges. There was a reason we ended up on this journey together. It’s so easy to make it look like you have things together online – but it’s what is happening behind that scenes that really defines a person.

I don’t want you to think it didn’t weigh on me – it definitely did. I apologized to Louise continuously but I just didn’t have it in me. I was up until the wee hours while giving presentations on the importance of sleep. I was skipping workouts while speaking to others about the importance of finding a routine. I realized I had put myself last and I had to shift.

So it’s funny – I’ve been leading up to my 30thbirthday and not sure how I felt. I was both excited and sad. I know it’s not a big deal – but for me it was this weird transition period. My early 20s were not easy – actually I would say they were the ones that built the woman I am today. I’ve been pretty open on here about my struggles – my abusive ex, my drug use, and the skeletons from my childhood. It has taken a lot of hard work and introspection but I have worked hard to shift the dialogue in my head to appreciate the past – but focus on the future.

I am so freaking excited for what is to come. As I continue to grow personally and professionally – I’m so happy to share it with all of you. I AM BACK. I needed a little time, a little reflection, a little work but I am ready. Louise and I spent the weekend together and we have spent the time to enjoy each other and also plan for our future.

So this is my apology letter to all of you – and asking you to have me back. I cannot wait for all the adventures that are to come in 2018 and 2019.  Thank you for supporting us through the good times – and those that are a little harder.

Xo, Pam