It wasn’t you…it was me.


Hello B&B family – Pam here!

This is an odd note to write – I didn’t know this would happen. As you may have noticed – I haven’t been around since late spring. It was never my intention to take a break but it’s something I had to do. It’s funny because I pride Louise and myself on making it for two years – I know plenty of blogs that started and never made it past three months. But I reached a point where I was forcing myself to write, I wasn’t connecting with the posts, and I wasn’t enjoying it. It was in conjunction with the heat of wedding planning, the opportunity for a promotion at work, and a time of growth in my relationship. To be completely transparent – I should have been more open with Louise with what was going on. I can never thank her enough for holding the fort together while I sorted my way through life challenges. There was a reason we ended up on this journey together. It’s so easy to make it look like you have things together online – but it’s what is happening behind that scenes that really defines a person.

I don’t want you to think it didn’t weigh on me – it definitely did. I apologized to Louise continuously but I just didn’t have it in me. I was up until the wee hours while giving presentations on the importance of sleep. I was skipping workouts while speaking to others about the importance of finding a routine. I realized I had put myself last and I had to shift.

So it’s funny – I’ve been leading up to my 30thbirthday and not sure how I felt. I was both excited and sad. I know it’s not a big deal – but for me it was this weird transition period. My early 20s were not easy – actually I would say they were the ones that built the woman I am today. I’ve been pretty open on here about my struggles – my abusive ex, my drug use, and the skeletons from my childhood. It has taken a lot of hard work and introspection but I have worked hard to shift the dialogue in my head to appreciate the past – but focus on the future.

I am so freaking excited for what is to come. As I continue to grow personally and professionally – I’m so happy to share it with all of you. I AM BACK. I needed a little time, a little reflection, a little work but I am ready. Louise and I spent the weekend together and we have spent the time to enjoy each other and also plan for our future.

So this is my apology letter to all of you – and asking you to have me back. I cannot wait for all the adventures that are to come in 2018 and 2019.  Thank you for supporting us through the good times – and those that are a little harder.

Xo, Pam

12 thoughts on “It wasn’t you…it was me.

  1. Jennifer Laszlo says:

    Pam.. there is no need to apologize for taking time for self-care and for growth. Your openness and your bravery and sharing your journey has helped me to face mine.
    Own your story create the best life that you can… you deserve it becomes an amazing lesson for others…Much love, Jen

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Janis says:

    We all have moments when life gets in the way. You did what was best for you and that never needs confirmation from anyone else. Be blessed and welcome back!


  3. DawnMarie says:

    An apology is not necessary. What happened to you is called LIFE and we all must deal with it and learn to navigate through it and sometimes that means taking a step (or two) back to figure things out and to get a different view and perspective. The beautiful thing about life is that it connects you with people who understand and accept you for who you are and who make allowances for life because one day its gonna be their turn and they’ll need the same.


  4. Serena says:

    Pam, thank you so much for your words, but like others said, no apology was needed. Life happens and sometimes something needs to be put on the back burner while other things are taken care of. You continue to be an inspiration to me, as to others, in so many ways, particularly with your willingness to share past experiences. It makes all of us that much stronger. Glad to read your words again…glad to continue on this journey with you and Louise.


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